I was ridiculously clumsy but I didn't lick it off a stone. My mam is even clumsier, if possible. We've been cracking elbows off walls since 19 O SPLASH!
Since moving out my problem did not get any better. It did not help at all, in fact I think it made it worse as there was new territory... unfamiliar territory
But what am I saying, it was really just another location to get bruised royally.
So let me give you a few examples of my previous clumsiness in say a month's period with no exaggeration.
Stubb toe x 10
Bang elbow x 20
Hit hip off the end of the bed x 5
Close a door on my finger x 2 (I always seem to leave one finger there to get squashed to a point where it feels broken)
Crack head off wood beams that shouldn't be there (or maybe I shouldn't be there) or coming out of a press or getting in or out of my car
Papercuts,
Cracking my knee off the radiator that has been underneath my desk for five years or wacking it off the side of the desk when I turn my chair as well as the underneath of the dinner table so that is a good 10-20 times a month too.
I cut myself every single time I open a can a Tuna with the pull ring on it. I always manager to slice myself which takes away from the satisfaction of the lovely Tuna.
It is hard to remember all the ways I hurt myself through clumsiness but I did whack off everything as if I was a bobble ornament spinning around. I always had cuts on my hands, bruises everywhere, elbows a given, all over legs, feet, arms and more than likely my hips.
It got to a point where my boyfriend just nodded his head in disbelief but belief when I do something clumsy and ignores my screams because they were so frequent. I can't blame him really it is like if he got man flu several times a week I would ignore him too. We do get a good laugh out of it. At least something good comes from my pain.
He always says he can't understand how someone can hurt themselves getting into bed but I could tell you a lot of ways someone can hurt themselves getting into bed! This is where most of my clumsiness happened. My bedroom was a deathtrap to me but maybe it was because I was tired going into it or getting up and less aware of the danger zones around me.
A couple of classics before I tell you what I think might be the cure for all my fellow klutz out there.
One night I was getting into bed and felt a slice go across my elbow and I did my usual "Ahhhhhhhhhh je*u* ch*rist, for f*ck sake" rant. I thought there was something in the bed and my boyfriend was slagging me saying how could you of hurt yourself, you are in bed! So I lifted up the covers and discovered that there was no knife or sharp object lying in my bed but instead the location where my elbow was pryer to my cut was the same location where one of the buttons off the mattress was. So, yes I managed to get cut open by a plastic sunk down button with a cotton sheet over it and through my jammy top!!! WTF
That abbreviation was called for. Of course my boyfriend did not believe me and I told him to see for himself that it was the only possible way it could of happened. So I was left with a sore cut on my elbow bleeding, a boyfriend laughing in my face and all I could do was laugh along with him because that was the icing on the cake.
Here are some really stupid but funny ones.
I was in a restaurant one day and wacked off a chair at a table so I turned and said "Sorry" only to realize that no one was in the chair and I just apologized to a chair!
Another time I was at the bank machine and as my money was being dispensed into my hand from the slot I said "Thanks". Thanks to a frickin bank machine!!! Now I think the chair might fall under the clumsy/stupid category but I think I might just be a tad blonde due to the fact this happened twice and I said thanks to a bank machine.
CURE! Anyhoo, I think I know how to decrease clumsiness if not get rid of it altogether.
I read somewhere that if you wake up and something bad happens that it follows you through the day until you change your mood or stop thinking this bad thing is going to happen to you over and over. I found this to be true and hope to expand on it in another post.
It made me realize that if I wake up and bang my toe for example and if I am fffing and blinding out of me and annoyed at the fact it hurts then I get into work and I will I bang my knee, thinking and feeling the same thoughts and feeling more annoyed, then I get up to do something and I bang my elbow. I only realized then that I have had this conversation with my colleague plenty of times.
I remembered saying to her on a few occasions "That is the second time I have banged my knee today" sigh! The more I said and thought about it the more it happened. Rushing around or getting stressed brings on more stress and more situations, more room for clumsiness.
So I put it to the test. When I woke up and banged off something I tried not to dwell on it. I would suck up the pain and soldier on where as before I would curse and be angry at myself for being such a klutz.
It took a few goes but I noticed I was gradually getting less clumsy and that it was working. I actually rarely bang off things now. I am still fairly clumsy in general but only when I am rushing or stressed out (Another side effect of when I am rushing or getting stressed out is that I turn into Dom out of the film Something About Mary where I break out in bumpy rash all over my face but that is another story). So if you can not let your clumsiness effect your mood less clumsiness will come your way throughout the day. Then you start to think differently. You do not think of yourself as a klutz anymore and the world is a less scary place because you are not so accident prone. You will eventually stop thinking that you are the biggest klutz in the world and the reward will be satisfying, a hell of lot less pain, less bruises, cuts and embarrassments.
I urge you to try this and cure your clumsiness as much as you can. Who knows, maybe eventually it will be a permanent fix and we will be cured of idiousy FOREVER!
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